The Reg: Scientists build virtual universe model spanning post-Big Bang to today [Thu May 8 2014]

Daily Headlines 8 May 2014

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Business News LinkedIn killing CardMunch biz-card scanning app Small cellulose rectangles 1, Internet 0 Tech titans call on FCC to reconsider net neutrality changes FCC commissioner says phone has been ringing non stop Whoops! Nvidia lets slip Q1 earnings early – and they're solid Revenue and earnings both beat analysts' estimates Star Wars Episode VII: The Ancient Fear of, er, a CHEESE-TASTIC title? Rumour mill suggests franchise will stick to vague, corny names ‘Scapegoated’ BBC tech boss calls foul, kicks off unfair sacking tribunal CTO suspended amid £125m DMI teardown hits back at broadcaster Hack-smacked Alphadex bought by iRack Ltd ... or is that Networks Ltd? Exclusive Brit colo firm bailed out by new firm with connections to old Channel News Disappearing storage and server projects hit Arrow ECS Distie titan grew in Q1, but only 'cos of acquisitions and software Yaarrgh! LOOK OUT! UK set to be BURIED under MOUNTAIN of TABLETS Samsung anointed the 'new Acer' by channel Data Centre News EMC: New products 'more ViPR than vapor' Analysis Inside EMC's big bet that it won't be crushed by a future it cannot see HP-Foxconn wave cloud kit under the nose of Google, Facebook et al Pair hope to send white-box rivals packing, eye up 20 web giants ViPR 2.0 sinks EMC's fangs DEEPER into software-defined storage Even existing Hopkinton hardware units may fear its bite Analyst confirms: CommVault's sales stumble WAS down to staffing blunder Tales from meeting with management EMC: We'll give you a MEELLLION dollars if our inline dedupe gear's not actually inline Translation: This is yet more meaningless marketing dribble HP drops $1bn, two-year OpenStack cash bomb Floats own-branded open-source plus IP protection Freescale: We'll drive Internet of Things off a cliff ... and into the cloud Vehicle-to-X is next big digital gold rush – plus security and privacy, of course Why not build your own VSAN hardware, asks VMware Frustrated system builders: your time is now and the boss can't stop you! IoT silos bad for business: Rackspace Upgrading its iron, cloud-herder muses on the future Hardware News Hey sailor, fancy putting your hands all over a NeRD fondleslab? Navy tablet aims to stimulate seamen with secure reading platform NintenD'OH! Games giant takes $464m hit as Wii U sales were P.U. Revenues plummet as console proves to be a dud Microsoft may launch several new Surfaces on May 20 – report Pint-sized ARM model said to dump Nvidia for Qualcomm YES! It's the PANORAMIC SELFIE! Huawei's Samsung-killer Ascend P7 Seriously? It's a premium piece of kit Networks News Virgin Media sales are a bit flat under the Cable Cowboy's reign Get off your horse and drink your milk Vendors pushing fibre on developing countries, says Oz minister Fibre to the home as cargo cult Policy News SEC to investors: When dealing in Bitcoin, don't get suckered Top US securities regulator warns of scams, fraud, and other bad dealings NBN to expand wireless, rejig satellites, spend more A 167:1 bet that satellite users can be kept happy on 20 GB / month Net neutrality protesters set up camp outside FCC headquarters Senator Al Franken: 'This is the free speech issue of our time' Nuclear reactor sysadmin accused of hacking 220,000 US Navy sailors' details We did it 'out of boredom' says alleged perp Security News Securo-borg FireEye coughs $70m to buy 'flight-recorder-for-networks' tech First Mandiant, now nPulse - whatever will it swallow next? Web cesspit 4chan touts '$20 bug bounty' after hackers ruin Moot's day Founder's admin account hijacked, then loses Amazon keys to 'Bitcoin' bandit Look out, sysadmins - HOT FOREIGN SPIES are targeting you Agents are greasing up IT bods to access all areas, warns MI5 Solaris deposed as US drone-ware, replaced by Linux administration Death from above brought to you by the happy, peaceful world of open source Slow IPv6 adoption is a GOOD THING as IETF plans privacy boost New 'SLAAC' RFC aims to do a better job of hiding hosts Software News Speaking in Tech: 'I get told to wear makeup by other women' Podcast From bullying to booth babes – Caroline, Amy and the Sarahs have it covered How Google's Android Silver could become 'Wintel for phones' Analysis Then... and now Science News Scientists build virtual universe model spanning post-Big Bang to today Want to try this at home? Plan for 2,000 years of processing time Spain clamps down on drones There's no law to cover them, therefore they're banned Alien invader plunges tool into virgin 'Windjana', sniffs powders NASA boffins wide-eyed as nuke tank drills into sandstone Potato in SPAAAAACE: LOHAN chap cooks up stratospud with Heston Blumenthal Pics Dave Akerman hobnobs with 'Pie in the Sky' TV chef Bootnotes News 'Bladdered' Utah couple cuffed in church lawn sex outrage Cop prises jiggy pair apart as wedding party looks on

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