The Reg: Euro gravity sat splashed down SOMEWHERE around 01:00 GMT [Mon Nov 11 2013]

Daily Headlines 11 November 2013

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Business News Alca-Lu plots enterprise exit, again Will anyone want biz phone biz this time? Qatari sovereign wealth fund among BlackBerry rescue party Money from the ground heading for the clouds BlackBerry board swatted away offers to break it up, sources claim Vowed they would only go down the drain together Tesla battery fire pushes beleaguered firm's share price even lower Stocks rocked by burning Model S and battery shortage Feel Cisco's WRATH: Over 1,000 placed on DENIED partner sh*t list Exclusive EMEA channel rocked by blacklist letters Groupon splurges $260m on Korean deals firm as cash bleed continues Gmail rejig expected to hit next quarter's results too Star Wars VII set for Xmas release. Ho, ho, ho... not THIS Christmas Hold that Leiagasm 'Hmm, which is more important: connectivity or malaria vaccine?' Quotw Plus: 'A wild party boat? A barge housing the last remaining dinosaur? Sadly, no' BlackBerry flings John Chen $89 MILLION to save troubled firm Ex boss Heins will get around 14m beans on his way out Win 8 PC sales plunge as retailers, disties shave orders by HALF A MILLION in Q3 Certain upgrade called 8.1 was on its way...not that Chrimbo shoppers will care Is computer biz Viglen about to GET FIRED? Lord Sugar's firm in rumoured sell-off Sources say once-mighty PC builder headed to Westcoast Holdings Pivot3 puts former Perot exec in CEO hotseat Board chairman hauled in to steer storage startup New security standard for CHAPS who have your CREDIT CARD data Did you know small merchants can self-assess? Read on for more shockers Channel News HP UK redundancies emerge in enterprise arm Long standing HPers head for door loaded with bag of cash Data Centre News GPU secrets unveiled for student cluster warriors SCC'13 Interview with Mark Ebersole, Nvidia CUDA evangelist Wanted: IT world domination. Can Spiceworks succeed? Analysis Rethinking the social network as a guild Does virtualisation hamper security in your organisation? Speak your brains in our latest survey The TRUTH behind Microsoft Azure's global cloud mega-cock-up "Machines will fail, software has bugs, people will make mistakes" Microsoft reveals secrets of Azure cloud's networking underbelly LADIS 2013 'In the last three years everything changed' Amazon CIA cloud row: US judge slaps down IBM as 'manipulative', inferior Big Blue thwacked for attempts to game the $600m bidding process Cisco bod coughs to slurping £130k from customers' accounts Gambling addict Leigh Jones gets two years' porridge Solidfire unfurls MAP to corporate WALLETS, large-scale VDI rollouts Right, see this reference architecture? We pity the fool who pitches to small biz Sail HO! Look out Bay Area - it's the GOOGLE GALLEON Mighty Bay windjammer may actually be a demonic temple. Hey - google it BOFH: GOATSE? No, I said goat fetis... you know what, forget it Episode 9 The Boss of the Moment visits Mission Control Ging gang cloudy? IBM programmer packs it in for life as an online Scouts badge-tracker The Last Boy Scout: Job's a good'un Hardware News Personal web and mail server for Raspberry Pi seeks cash YOU don't need no steenking cloud or hosting company, say ArkOS devs Backup for my hard drive and cloud: Is there one program to rule them all? Readers' corner Can you help this reader find his perfect solution PC market bombs in Blighty as Gartner tracks plummeting shipments UK hit hard amidst overall decline in Western Europe Google patent: THROAT TATTOO with lie-detecting mobe microphone built-in What could POSSIBLY go wrong? World's first 3D-printed metal gun 'more accurate' than factory-built cousin Don't worry, you can’t make one of these at home Classic telly FX tech: How the Tardis flew before the CGI era Doctor Who @ 50 How the special effects boys made magic in the 1960s, 70s and 80s iPad Air EXPLODES in FIREBALL, terrified fanbois flee Apple Store Charred fondleslab removed by Apple minion for testing Buy-curious minxes and chaps fancy hot wrist action, rest of us baffled Wearable tech ... we're talking about wearable tech Networks News FLIGHTMARE! Inflight cell calling debuts, dealing heavy blow to quality of life HELLO! Yes! I'm on the PLANE! Facebook profiles go TITSUP! Mystery malady plagues piles of pages Updated The social network that goes down on its users ... bitch YouTube co-founder either HATES Google+ or his vid account just got HACKED Jawed 'me at the zoo' Karim is peeved, apparently Email delivery: 4 steps to get more email to the inbox This whitepaper lists some steps and information that will give you the best opportunity to achieve an amazing sender reputation. Download here > Policy News Turnbull touts construction resumption in YouTube vid 'No halt in construction' says Mal the Builder, but network will go low-fibre Singaporeans THANK government for BANNING IaaS site That's the infidelity-as-a-service site Ashleymadison.com, not a proper cloud Hand over the goodies, Brazil tells Chocolate Factory StreetView legal roadshow out for one more tour Smut-spreading copyright trolls told to return cash extracted from victims Things look bad for Prenda Law team 'I WAS AN ADMIN FOR SILK ROAD': Alleged hit-man target tells all Drugs, murder, and support tickets at Bitcoin's black market Privacy warriors haul NSA into court, demand swift end to mass call snooping Groups argue for free speech protections to block spying Latest global menace: ELECTROPULSE NORKS, apparently Crazed dictator has electronics-nobbler death rays, claim spies Alleged Peeping Tom claims First Amendment right to upskirt Legal history in the making in Boston courtroom Security News Anonymous threatens cyberwar with Anonymous And it's all because of climate change and Edward Snowden Lavabit, secure email? Hardly, says infosec wizard Moxie Marlinspike Claims of multiple security measures just 'promises,' researcher claims Snowden: Hey fellow NSA worker, mind if I copy your PASSWORD? Whistleblower talked colleagues into handing him their login credentials Spies and crooks RAVAGE Microsoft's unpatched 0-day HOLE It's Operation Hangover. Word Windows, Office zero-day vuln must wait for next Patch Tuesday, says MS November's updates promise relief for critical IE and Windows bugs Bitcoin burglar bags a million bucks Australian victim says there's no point telling the cops Watch out spooks: STANDARDS GROUPS are COMING AFTER YOU IETF promises PRISM-proofing plan for the future internet Software News Apple ships cures for Mail, iBooks, MacBook Pro maladies Three down, Safari and Remote Desktop client still to come Feedly coughs to cockup, KILLS Google+ login as users FLEE Miserable sap sez: 'we thought ID switch would be simply mechanical' How my batch process nightmare was solved by a Wombat Something for the Weekend, Sir? Script me up, baby… ooh how was it for you? 'Shared databases are crap' Oracle reveals shared database management suite 'Easy' conversion from single to multiple instances, says Damascene Larry Feedly gets Greedly: Users suddenly HAVE TO create a Google+ account Helping world's biggest ad broker stalk you round the net. Nooooooo GIMP flees SourceForge over dodgy ads and installer Devs tired of all the junk downloads, and no we DON'T mean the free software Science News Norks isn't likely to beat the USA in the death-ray race The long, slow march to a practical pulse bomb Euro gravity sat splashed down SOMEWHERE around 01:00 GMT ESA reports no damage, but you WOULD say that if you were flattened by space junk Astroboffins solve birth of the Man in the Moon face Craters linked to four-billion-year-old impact New wonder slab slurps Wi-Fi, converts it into juice for gadgets, boast boffins Stray downloads could top up your phone's battery in future Horny lovers FOSSILISED in steamy RUMPY-PUMPY session 156m yrs ago Luckless insects favoured missionary position Boffins build R2-WEE-2: The urine-powered robot with a human-like heart Boffins work towards full autonomy for waste-slurping 'droid Economical Indian MOM whips up her eggs en route to Mars No need for panic, an eggcentric orbit is in the mission plan Bootnotes News Bletchley Park vows to upload secret World War II code-cracking archives HP donates scanners and staff for historical archive's web launch Oooh! My NAUGHTY SKIRT keeps riding up! Hello, INTERNET EXPLORER Vid Get ready for Inori, the 'personification of IE' Microsoft Excel fingering, Captain Jack Sparrow clog Minneapolis election Ballot-counting freezes up in mayoral race Email delivery: 4 steps to get more email to the inbox This whitepaper lists some steps and information that will give you the best opportunity to achieve an amazing sender reputation. Download here >

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