TechEye |  |
- Apple fanboys prove the existence of God
- Microsoft slips Azure in under the radar
- HP is now building God's computer
- Tajikistan cracks down on online farts
- Microsoft astonishes Wall Street
| Apple fanboys prove the existence of God Posted: 25 Oct 2013 03:15 AM PDT Two Apple fanboys have used their Macbook to formalise a theorem regarding the existence of God penned by mathematician Kurt Gödel. According to the German daily Die Welt, the real idea of the work was to use computers to make scientific progress simpler. While they used Gödel's theorem, they were more interested in developing superior technology. After all, Apple fanboys do not care about the nature of existence, or non-existence of a supreme being when they have have a Macbook to look at. Gödel probably knows the answer now anyway. He croaked in 1978, and he left behind a tantalising theory based on principles of modal logic that a higher being must exist. Needless to say there was maths involved but he said that by definition, God must be no greater can be conceived. And while God exists in the understanding of the concept, we could conceive of him as greater if he existed in reality. Therefore, he must exist. We could probably come up with a similar argument for the existance of rice pudding, or high performance computing and that is actually the idea. Christoph Benzmüller of Berlin's Free University and his colleague, Bruno Woltzenlogel Paleo of the Technical University in Vienna decided to use their sacred MacBook to show that Gödel's proof was correct. At least he got his numbers right. They have posted a submission on the arXiv.org research article server with the catchy title "Formalization (sic), Mechanization (sic) and Automation of Gödel's Proof of God's Existence." Benzmüller told Spiegel it was amazing that this stuff can be proven automatically in a few seconds or even less on a standard notebook. Benzmüller said that it is now possible that computer systems can check each single step of a theorem and sure it is right. The scientists believe their work could have many practical applications in areas such as artificial intelligence and the verification of software and hardware. But the use of computers to reduce the burden on mathematicians is not welcomed by all in the field. In fact a American mathematician Doron Zeilberger had to list the name Shalosh B. Ekhad on his scientific papers since the 1980s as a collaborator because he did not want people to be put off because Ekhad was a computer. Meanwhile a statement from God said that Steve Jobs was dead and could not prove the existence of anything. |
| Microsoft slips Azure in under the radar Posted: 25 Oct 2013 03:13 AM PDT While Microsoft’s Azure software is not hitting the headlines much, it turns out that the software is being snuck in under the radar of many of Vole’s products. Windows Azure is Microsoft’s cloud platform. It was recently expanded with new capabilities. But what is raising an eyebrow or two is how Microsoft is integrating Azure into so many of its other products. According to IT World, in some cases Volish punters are hardly realising they’re shifting to the platform. It is all part of a cunning plan from Vole to get customers onto Azure in a small way so that they will use the service in anger when it comes time to move to something bigger. One thing, which Microsoft announced yesterday, was Windows Azure Backup Services. This is a simple offering for backing up Windows Server to the cloud. But Microsoft is being jolly clever about it. It does not mention the word cloud in the package. It lets businesses that are running servers on-premises to set a regular back up to Azure for data on their servers. But it is the sort of thing that makes a good first step into the public cloud for businesses. And Microsoft hopes that once its customers have moved past baby steps they will want the full monty. It is then that Microsoft can step in and point out that they have been using Azure for a while now and know how it works. This “let’s try to get our foot in the door” approach is required because competition for enterprise cloud customers is tougher than 2,000 year old bacon strips and about as hard for some customers to swallow. Vole needs to beat Amazon Web Services, and other long-time enterprise vendors like HP and IBM. |
| HP is now building God's computer Posted: 25 Oct 2013 03:11 AM PDT HP's CEO Meg Whitman appears to be convinced that her outfit is so good that it is actually making computers for God. Apparently Whitman was on her way to Damascus to persecute the users of WebOS when she saw a sudden bright light and an order appeared in her lap from the almighty. It appears that God had ignored rival workstation makers, and as such decided that he wanted to spend the rest of eternity paying for printer ribbons. Although Whitman is not exactly saying what God ordered from her company, she said that the Z1 workstation was what God would buy if he needed a computer. The news that heaven will be running the Z1, while hell will be stuck with Macbooks, will be news to many religious figures who have never really worked out what computer God would use. We were not aware that you needed to sacrifice your first born to turn on a Z1, although it would not surprise us if it caught fire and God spoke to us. Still, if Whitman is going to turn around HP she will need all the divine help she can get. You can see Whitman taking the missionary position here. |
| Tajikistan cracks down on online farts Posted: 25 Oct 2013 03:09 AM PDT Tajikistan's "Ethics Code for an e-Citizen" appears to be cracking down on online farting. The code that was hatched up by the executive branch, the state telecommunications authority, telco industry associations, and a handful of NGOs, mostly covers personal data protection and human rights. It forbids talking loudly on mobile phones in public areas, playing loud music, and using "unpleasant sounds" online. To most this means bottom burps and beltching, which is apparently big online. Authorities insist that the code on involuntary noises is actually voluntary, but human rights group fear that the new code will be used to stifle online speech or belching. Radio Ozodi said that the ethics code aims at "preventing harassment, offence, slander, provocation, dissemination of immoral images and recordings, agitation and propaganda of terrorism, and other unacceptable activities in virtual space". Needless to say the great unwashed was not involved in any of the discussions, particularly the bloke who can belch the national anthem of Tajikistan after three pints of lager. |
| Microsoft astonishes Wall Street Posted: 25 Oct 2013 03:08 AM PDT Software giant Microsoft managed to surprise the cocaine nose jobs of Wall Street with quarterly results that were much better than expected. For a while, the Wall Street augurs have been prophesising that Vole's bottom line would be only be goodish. Analysts have been trimming back profit targets for Microsoft over the past three months. But Microsoft turned in some rather good numbers well past average revenue forecasts despite retiring Chief Executive Steve Ballmer's restructuring and the pricy acquisition of Nokia's handset business. What appears to have done better than expected was the commercial side of Microsoft's business. It posted a 10 percent increase in revenue, mostly thanks to selling Office and server software to businesses. The consumer and hardware group's revenue rose a more modest four percent, mostly due to the poor sales for Windows system as sales of personal computers continue to fade. PC sales have been sliding for the last 18 months, although Microsoft Chief Financial Officer Amy Hood recently claimed that there were green shoots of stabilisation. Sales of Windows software to PC makers, such as HP, Lenovo and Dell fell seven percent in the quarter. Surface tablet sales posted a sharp increase to $400 million in sales, largely due to rising interest in the smaller, heavily discounted Surface RT model. This proves that Microsoft should have released it should have made it cheaper in the first place. Microsoft posted a 17 percent increase in profit to $5.2 billion, up from $4.5 billion during the same time last year. Revenue rose 16 percent to $18.5 billion, helped by rising sales of its Office software. Analysts had expected $17.8 billion, on average. For the fiscal second quarter, which takes in the crucial holiday shopping season, Microsoft is predicting revenue of $23.1 billion to $24.1 billion in the future. |
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