The Reg: CURSE you, EINSTEIN! Humanity still chained in relativistic PRISON [Mon Apr 29 2013]

Daily Headlines 29 April 2013

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Business News It was the Reg what won it: Online Hitchhiker's Guide thriving Douglas Adams' vision h2g2 still needs contributors 'Facebook, Twitter, Google: Ad companies masquerading as tech ones' Says cross advertising man (not pickled herring) Announcement of 'churnalism detector' gets furiously churned From the secretive mob who gave you the Min of Truth Channel News Scan Source chokes down vile mouthful o' Q3 juice Hustles workers out of door in bid to improve health You hear that, Mr Cook? Samsung's profits have gone UP Remember when Apple's used to do that? Even world's most MASSIVE distie takes punch to wallet Profits down by over 40% but sales boosted by acquisitions Titsup 2e2's data centre dustup gave UK users the CLOUD FEAR Vendors struggling to reinflate the bubble Cloud News Cloud vendors name the price to go private You probably don't need to spend more than this 'Your infernal cable pipes come up from Hell, Virgin!' Quotw Plus: 'I suspect some DDoS skid on his Mum's Windows box' El Reg drills into Google's search biz offer to Europe Analysis Mountain View wants to choose its EU inspector Caldicott: NHS workers should 'have the confidence to share information' 'As important as duty to protect patient confidentiality' NetApp taps Oz cloud lab for federation exploration University of Melbourne's Cloud Lab cooks up SLAs for ops in multiple public clouds Data Centre News Lenovo deal to buy IBM x86 server biz moving along fast Time for Ginni to make a call to GloFo or TSMC for fab spinout HP's StoreVirtual gets a bit older, decides it needs some Fibre LeftHand turn for Palo Alto Hardware News What work? Tablet owners prefer to slack off with their slabs Their kids like to play with them, too PEAK iPHONE? Apple mobe growth slumps to ‘lowest in its history’ What won't appear on Tim Cook's WWDC 2013 slides Master Beats: Why doesn't audio quality matter these days? Something for the Weekend, Sir? Hear, there and everywhere Can't find your motor? Apple patents solve car park conundrums Cupertino to enable world+dog to find its lost Ladas Review: Nokia Lumia 520 At last - an alternative to Landfill Android Networks News Cat ladies turned brand-squatters poke fun at religious right Redditors, Tweets duped as well, what's not to like? Boffins strap turbocharger to BitTorrent P2P that goes FASTER as load increases T-mobile US in invisible handset handcuff contract smackdown 'No restrictions' ads caused nose growth, pant fires - AG Pirate Bay docks in Iceland Low odds on legal whack-a-mole resuming in Reykjavik real soon now Policy News The NBN questions Malcolm Turnbull won't answer How you gonna call? Senate clears bill to block warrantless email searches But CISPA still trumps it Microsoft off the hook for billions in Motorola Mobility payout Court case hinges around patents used in Xbox Hunt on NHS data sharing: Obviously we HAVE TO let people opt out Patients who've already said no will be safeguarded... How? Who knows Samsung to block mobile app store in Iran as sanctions bite Tells users 'legal barriers' are reason for canning Farsi service Apple loses again in Chinese App Store copyright case Beijing judge throws the book at Cupertino as writers triumph Security News LivingSocial admits major hacking attack on customer database Credit card info is safe, company insists Police arrest suspect in BIGGEST DDoS ATTACK IN HISTORY Dutch suspect snatched in Spain AT&T debuts 'Digital Life' robo-home and security tech Step into Internet of Things: Give us keys to homes in 15 US cities Software News Apple to stage “Tech Talks” roadshow WWDC refugees will be served locally New Google Play terms ban non-store app updates Rug pulled from under Facebook's auto-updates Ubuntu without the 'U': Booting the Big Four remixes Review Raring Ringtail without the OS X/Unity stuff Apple fanbois get one last chance to see spectre of Steve Jobs Extra tickets printed after WWDC 2013 sells out in SECONDS Mosaic turns 20: Let's fire up the old girl, show her the web today Grandmother to IE and Firefox, the web's first popular browser Avoid nasty plugins with this extension, says Google Boost to cloudy collaborators offers chaste hugs for Office Science News CURSE you, EINSTEIN! Humanity still chained in relativistic PRISON 'Collapsar jump' from Forever War seemingly not on cards Texan stitches stratosphere into stunning panoramas One mighty orb and six vid cameras for fully spherical imagery Hey, monkey: Just 'cos your mates eat FOUL corn, YOU have to eat it too? Science: Um, well... yes DARPA looks for a guided bullet with DEAD reckoning navigation Not only has your name on it, but your address too Reg hack to starve on £1 a day FOR SCIENCE Signs up for 'Live Below the Line' charity subsistence challenge

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